


Angels Can't Help

by SuperLockGirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Child Death, F/M, Hunter Dean, Mentions of Cancer, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-02-28 03:17:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13262496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperLockGirl/pseuds/SuperLockGirl
Summary: The story of one mother's worst nightmare. When angels can't help, you know things are bad. All you can do is hang on and hope things work out.





	1. The Bad Life

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mine and mine alone. Hopefully y'all enjoy it.

“Come on, Joanna. We don’t have all day. We need to get to the store.” I shouted. 

“Mommy, I don’t feel good.” My daughter cried. I picked her up feeling her head. She was burning up. I felt my heart race. I grabbed my purse calling my husband.

“Pick up dammit.” I put her in the car. “Mommy’s going to take care of you.” I got in throwing my phone on the seat next to me. I drove to the pediatrician scheduling an appointment. 

“Mommy, it hurts.” 

“I know baby.” I said touching her leg. “We’re almost there.” She nodded letting her eyes close. I felt tears in my eyes. I made it feeling my hands shake as I pulled her out of the car. I carried her inside feeling her little hand bunch my shirt in her fist. 

“Fill this out, please.” The nurse said handing me a clipboard. I sat down with her in my lap. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” 

“It hurts.” She said putting her thumb in her mouth. I cradled her against my chest filling out the paperwork. I handed the paperwork back and tried my husband again.

“Come on. Pick up.” I called my husband’s brother. No one was answering. 

“Mommy, daddy?” She whined. 

“He’s on his way, baby.” I texted him. Our daughter’s sick. Could you come home please? She really wants you. 

“Joanna Winchester.” I stood with my daughter. “Follow me.” I carried her down a hall. “Can she stand long enough to get a weight?” 

“Jo baby, be a big girl for Mommy. I want you to stand on the scale. Then I’ll pick you back up.” She nodded. I helped her onto the scale. 

“29 lbs.” I knew Jo was small, but that was a drastic weight loss. I started panicking as my nursing school knowledge kicked in. She’s really sick. Why didn’t I notice before? What kind of mother doesn’t notice this stuff? “32 inches tall. You’re getting so big.” I picked her up feeling my nerves calm some. We walked into a room and I helped get her dressed in the paper gown. I saw bruises on her back and arms. 

“Honey, how’d you get these?” She shrugged. I felt my mind run. There’s one thing that explains this. She’s got leukemia. I should have seen it; I’m a nurse. The repeated infections, the weight loss, fatigue, bruising. Please let me be wrong. She crawled in my lap. 

“Mommy, are you sad?” I shook my head. “You’re crying? Are you hurt?” 

“No, Mommy’s worried about you munchkin.” I said trying not to cry. The doctor walked in smiling. 

“I thought we agreed to stop meeting up.” I nodded. “She’s fine. I’m sure of it. It’s probably just some virus.” He looked her over. “She’s got some bruising. Any idea how she got it?” 

“No. I noticed it today.” I said. 

“Jo, can we talk?” She nodded looking up at me. He isn’t implying what I think, right? “Without Mommy.” He is. He thinks I’m hurting her. She cried clutching my shirt in her fist. “Okay. Mommy can stay.” He leaned forward. “Does Mommy ever hurt you?” Jo shook her head. “Does Daddy?” 

“Daddy?” She squealed. 

“Does Daddy hurt you?” Jo shook her head. “How’d you get hurt?” She shrugged her shoulders. “Jo, you can tell me. I can keep a secret.” 

“It hurts.” She said sucking her thumb again. 

“What hurts sweetie?” 

“It hurts.” She repeated. 

“Baby, is it your head?” I asked placing a hand gently on her head. She shook her head. “Your tummy?”

“No.” 

“What hurts sweetheart?” She pointed to her knee. 

“Did she fall?” I shook my head. 

“Not that I know of. She’s never been one to sit still though. But the last week, she’s been still.” I felt tears in my eyes. 

“Children do that when they get sick.” He said trying to comfort me. 

“I’m more worried that something serious is wrong. I know I’m probably panicking, but I know what these signs can mean.” He looked at me. “Can we run her blood?”

“We can, but I’m almost positive it’ll be normal. I know what you’re thinking. Unfortunately, being in the medical field is a curse and a blessing. We don’t panic about anything, but we also see zebras; sometimes it’s horses.” 

“Please. Run it for my peace of mind.” I begged. 

“Of course. I’ll have a nurse come in.” He said. “But I’d assume it’s just a cold. You said she doesn’t sit still. Maybe that’s how she got the bruises. Children stop moving when they get sick. She’s probably going to be plastered to you until she feels better.” I nodded. 

“I know I’m probably putting too much into this.” I said. Jo was asleep in my arms. “It’s just I don’t have a whole lot of family. She’s my baby.” 

“I know.” He said. “Give her lots of fluids and clear diet.” I nodded laughing. A nurse walked in carrying a syringe. 

“Hold her still. She won’t like this.” I held her looking away. Jo started screaming and squirming. I held her tighter watching her blood fill a vial. The nurse bandaged her arm with a pink bandage. 

“Mommy!” She squealed pointing to it. 

“That’s pretty.” I said. 

“We’ll have the results in about 24 hours. Clear diet and fluids. Pedialyte works great if you can get her drink it.” I nodded. 

“Thank you. I know I’m probably overreacting.” I said standing with Jo. “I appreciate it.” She smiled patting my arm. 

“It’s okay. Being a nurse can be a curse with our children.” I nodded smiling. I paid and brought her home making her soup. She stayed in my lap sleeping most of the day. I called my husband three more times. I guess you’re busy. Please come home when you get this. Sam and the angels can handle this case. Our daughter is sick. She needs her daddy and I need my husband. I eventually went to bed with Jo. She curled up on my chest. I cried feeling alone. Where is he? He’s never ignored my texts like this. He always sends something. It’s been hours. What if something happened to him? I’m going to lose everyone I love. I need to stop this. Jo’s not dying and Dean's safe. He’s just being an ass. He’ll come home eventually. I fell asleep waking to my daughter moaning in pain. I grabbed the thermometer. She had a fever so I gave her Tylenol. I called my husband again. 

“Dean Michael Winchester, I’m not playing anymore! Get home now!” I hung up. My phone immediately rang. “Hello?” 

“This is Dr. Jay. I wanted to update you on the results from the blood test. Could you meet me at the hospital?” 

“Sure.” I said feeling like my throat was closing. 

“Don’t panic.” He said. I changed clothes and changed Jo. I gave her a cup of juice putting her in her car seat. 

“Daddy?” She asked. 

“He’s… busy baby.” I said trying to keep my temper. I drove to the hospital. I grabbed my daughter carrying her inside. “I’m looking for Dr. Jay.” 

“He’s on the second floor.” A nurse said. “Follow me.” I followed her upstairs. “Who’s this?” 

“My daughter, Jo.” 

“She’s adorable.” 

“Thanks.” I said. Jo buried her face in my shirt. “She’s shy, I guess.” I saw a man with dark hair look up at me. 

“Miss Winchester.” 

“Mrs.” I corrected. 

“Sorry. Mrs. Winchester. Have a seat? Is your husband coming in?”

“No. He’s at work. Is this serious?”

“We got the results back. Your daughter has a high white blood cell count. This could just mean she has an infection. But the cells do have an abnormal shape.” I felt my heart and breathing stop. 

“She has a form of leukemia.” I stated. He nodded. 

“We’d like to get her in to do some imaging studies. We do have options. She will of course need chemotherapy to hopefully eradicate the cancerous cells.” I felt like my world was crumbling. I was desperately searching for something to hold onto. “Mrs. Winchester, are you okay?” 

“No. My daughter has leukemia.” I shouted. 

“This isn’t anyone’s fault. But I’d like to get her in today to start with an ultrasound. It’s going to be the least invasive.” I nodded. “But I understand if you need to talk to your husband.” I felt tears fall easily. I clutched her tighter to me. 

“How bad is it?” 

“We can’t know without the tests.” Dr. Jay said. 

“Okay. We’ll do the ultrasound.” I said. 

“Okay. We can wait for your husband.” I shook my head. 

“Let’s just do this. Today.” I said. He led me downstairs to Radiology. I watched as my daughter was examined. She smiled laughing as the tech moved the wand over her belly. We were sent home after that. I hit the steering wheel when I got her buckled in. 

“Shit!” I shouted. I covered my mouth driving home. I saw my husband’s car in the garage. I felt pure rage. I had to deal with this alone. He left me alone. I walked in seeing him run towards me. 

“What happened?” 

“Daddy, they looked at my tummy.” Jo said smiling. How can she be sick? She doesn’t seem sick. She seems happy. 

“Baby.” Dean said looking at me. 

“Later!” I hissed. “Come on, baby. Let’s take a nap.” Jo snuggled against my chest. I put her in her bed kissing her head. How could God do this to me? She’s innocent. How could he do this to her? I walked out tearing up. Dean looked at me. 

“Baby.” I walked outside to the garage. 

“Where the hell were you?” I hissed. 

“Sorry. I was hunting. I didn’t bring my phone with me.” 

“Dean, our daughter is… sick and you’re worried about some worthless piece of shit monster.” I shouted. He tried to pull me closer. “Stop! You have no idea what I’ve had to deal with!” 

“Tell me please baby.” Dean pleaded. 

“Our daughter has… she’s got…” 

“Baby?” Dean said looking scared. 

“She’s got cancer.” I broke down clutching to Dean as my knees gave out. I collapsed to the floor. Dean shook before punching a wall. 

“Fuck!” He screamed. “I should have been here.”

“Dean, how could this happen?” I sobbed. He sat down next to me pulling me against his chest. 

“I don’t know.” He said rubbing his hand down my back. “Baby, I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” 

“It’s okay.” I sobbed. “You’re here now.” I felt a tear hit my hand. I looked up seeing tears in my husband’s green eyes. I ran my hand over his cheek.

“Baby, I’m such an ass. I should have been here. I can’t imagine having to deal with this alone.” My husband said.

“Dean, what do we do?” I asked looking up at him. 

“I don’t know.” He said honestly. “I guess we get her treatment and pray that there’s a God willing to listen. Maybe Castiel or Gabriel could help.” 

“I have to go to the store.” I got up quickly looking around. Dean caught me around my waist. 

“Sam can get whatever you need.” He said hugging me against his chest. 

“We need Pedialyte.” I said. 

“Baby, look at me. Sammy can get it. Let’s just get back inside to our daughter.” I nodded. Dean told his brother. Castiel looked over at me. 

“I can’t help her. This isn’t something I can fix. I’m so sorry. I wish I could help you.” 

“It’s okay, Castiel.” I said fighting tears. He looked at me with pity. 

“She’s strong.” He said. 

“You can’t help us?” Dean asked. Castiel shook his head. 

“I’m sorry Dean. There are some things angels can’t cure. Cancer is one of them. But I can cure her infection.” Dean shook his head. I saw his fists curl as he held back what he wanted to say. I shouldn’t have been mad at him. He was just doing his job. He didn’t know how bad it was. If he did, he would have come no matter what was going on.


	2. Things Can't Get Worse, Can They?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things aren't looking up for the Winchester clan. Dean's back and he doesn't plan on leaving them anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter. Again all mistakes are mine. Enjoy.

2 Months Later

 

I looked at my daughter in her hospital bed. She looked smaller than usual. I saw the effects of the chemotherapy. Her eyelids fluttered open. “Mommy?” I grabbed her hand rubbing it gently. 

“Mommy’s here.” I said. 

“Daddy?” She asked. I felt tears in my eyes. 

“He can’t come today. Daddy’s sick. We don’t want you to get sick again.” I said kissing her forehead.

“I want Daddy.” She whined. I pulled out my computer getting my husband. “Daddy?” 

“Hey Jo. How are you feeling today?”

“I want you.” She cried. 

“Daddy’s sick, but I wish I was there angel. Uncle Cas and Sam are coming to see you.” Gabriel was looking for something to do to help Jo. 

“Daddy, you sick.” She said. 

“Yeah. But I’ll be okay. I wish I could see you baby.” He said. “How’s Mommy?”

“She’s sad.” Jo said. “She cries.” 

“Hey.” Sam said after knocking. I turned looking at him. I knew tears were in my eyes. I felt helpless and angry at myself. I was mad at God for doing this to my little girl. Sam pulled me into a hug. 

“You be good for Mommy. She needs you baby.” 

“I love you Daddy.” Jo said blowing him a kiss. He smiled with tears in his eyes blowing her a kiss back. 

“Be a good girl.” Dean said. I saw Castiel walk into Jo’s room. 

“How you doing?” Sam whispered. I shrugged. He pulled me close kissing my head. “I’m here. Why don’t you take a break? Get some coffee.”

“I can’t.” I said. 

“Castiel, take her and get her some coffee.” Sam said handing me off to Castiel. “Jo, Uncle Sam’s going to stay with you while Mommy eats.” Jo nodded drifting off. I bite my lip fighting the tears. I followed Castiel to the cafeteria. 

“Hey.” Castiel said rubbing my arm. “You can cry. I know you’re holding it back.” I shook my head. “It’s okay. Dean cried.” 

“I just don’t get it, Cas. How could He do this to her? She’s never hurt anyone. She’s in so much pain and she’s sick. She doesn’t understand what’s happening to her.”

“I don’t know why He does these things.” Castiel said. I sat down sipping my coffee. My phone rang and I saw it was Dean. 

“Hey baby.” I said feeling the weight on my chest. 

“Darling, I wish I could be there and hold you. I wish I knew why this happened to her. I wish this wasn’t happening to our daughter. I wish a lot of things. But I know you’re trying to be strong for Jo. You don’t want her to see you cry. But you can cry.” 

“If I do. I won’t stop.” I said honestly. 

“That’s okay.” Dean laughed. “I cried myself to sleep last night. It felt a little bit better to cry.” 

“Our daughter needs me to be strong for her.” I said. 

“You’re not with her; fall apart.” I felt the first tear fall. The next tears fell easier. I clutched Castiel’s coat in my fist. He rubbed my back. 

“This isn’t fair. I never dreamed our daughter would be fighting something so big. We can protect her from monsters. It’s our job. How do you protect her against something like cancer? There’s nothing you can do to stop it. You just have to watch the train wreck and pray you make it out alive.” 

“She’s going to make it. She’s your daughter. She’s strong and she won’t let this break her.” Dean said. I dropped my phone as the sobs took over my body. 

 

6 Months Later

 

I looked at my husband. His green eyes had lost their once beautiful shine. I knew my eyes held pain in them. Neither one of us had much strength left. I fixed his tie to fill the emptiness. “Thanks.” He said halfheartedly. I just nodded. We got in his car. My heart fell as we pulled up outside the church. I looked over at my husband. He grabbed my hand giving it a squeeze. “I can’t do this.” 

“Me either.” I said feeling tears. “But we have to. She was our daughter.” He nodded. 

“Together.” I nodded grabbing his hand tightly. We slid out feeling the eyes on us. We walked in together. I heard his breathing hitch as we hit the steps. My heart raced. How do we do this? How do we say goodbye? How do we move on after this? We walked inside seeing the small group of people. We took our seats and I started crying. Dean rubbed my back handing me tissues. The funeral started and I felt like puking and screaming. Instead I watched feeling my husband holding to me to stay grounded. It was over and we looked at each other. How do we live without her? How do I live knowing I’ll never see her again? Never hear her laugh again. Never see her light up when her daddy gets home from a hunt. My husband drove us home and we disappeared into our bedroom. No one bothered us for almost a week. 

“Can I get you anything?” Castiel asked. We both shook our heads. He nodded forcing a smile. We stayed locked away from the world for weeks. We only came out to force ourselves to eat something. We visited her grave together. I saw the tears in my husband’s green eyes. We spent over two hours just talking to her. Life slowly got back to before. We would always carry a giant hole in our hearts, but we had to live our lives. Jo wouldn’t want us to stay sad. She’d want us to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tissues were definitely needed when writing this. Hope everyone enjoyed the ride.


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short ending.

1 Year Later

I looked down in the cradle at our daughter, Mary. She had pretty blonde hair and bright green eyes. I saw pieces of Jo in her. “Mary, Mommy loves you. But I want to tell you a story.” I picked her up sitting down in a rocking chair. “Mary, you had a sister, Jo. She was beautiful like you. She had this smile that lit up a room when Daddy got home. She would love you.” I felt tears clogging my throat. “But God called her home so it’s just you, me, and Daddy. But I know she’s looking down on you right now smiling. She was stronger than any child I knew. She never let anything bring her down. She was four years old and had a form of cancer. Yet she never let it break her. She went through treatments. She got better and then she got worse. She never stopped fighting to stay here. Her favorite color was pink and she loved dancing in the rain. I hope someday you feel how much she loves you. If you ever see a little angel with blonde curls and blue eyes, tell her hello. She’s your sister. She’s watching over you.” I cuddled my daughter against my chest seeing her smile. She made me smile for the first time in a long time. I knew losing a child would never not haunt me, but I had learned something. Life is precious and you should enjoy every second of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly because every moment shaped how your life was lived. Appreciate every experience because you can’t get it back once it’s gone. No one is insignificant because you touch someone’s life every day. So live your life and remember those who gave so much to make your life something great.


End file.
